driving distracted

      After careful consideration, I have come to the conclusion that, while texting and driving may be a dangerous endeavor, driving with 3 kid is, well, completely comparable in the danger aspect.  Not only in what you might experience during road rage, but can also be just as much of a dangerous distraction. And, because I am pretty sure that I am years away from making it illegal to drive with children, I have decided on a new course of action that might make driving with kids have a safer outcome.  But let us first explore the range of car management actions fully, so you can better understand why I have decided on this new safety method.

       There is a magical phenomenon that occurs when I am driving, where my arm actually manages a go-go gadget reach with extra strength. My once 3 foot arm mysteriously metamorphosis into an impressive reach far beyond the thought of possibilities. This produces a look of surprise on the not so innocent faces of my beloved bunch, and a few minutes of quiet shock.  However, I do believe that it contributes to the distraction factor on a deeper level than just, let’s say, threatening to pull the car over.  Which that in itself  is completely contradictive to the goal of reaching your destination in the shortest amount of time, so as to minimize the amount of stress that is put on your vocal cords.  (And for the most part an empty threat, unless of course they return with their own threat of peeing on your recently cleaned truck because they didn't hear the 5 times you told them to go to the bathroom before you left. Which was only minutes ago.)
       Next we have the "blast the radio so I can no longer here the high-pitched whining" maneuver, but that usually ends with me breaking out into dance moves and singing, which again, is probably more of a distraction than a control method.  Not to mention it proves to my children that I am not the cool mom, but am in fact, The Dork... Another fact I would like to keep hidden for as long as possible.
       There is also the threat of telling them they better act right, or mommy will get pulled over for driving like a crazy woman.  That has never worked since my boys have a disturbing obsession with flashing blue lights that leaves me questioning when exactly they should start counseling.  And my daughter finds this threat incredibly hilarious because she takes great joy in telling the whole world all about how her mother got pulled over by a policeman.  Which the past has already proven.
       The newest invention, the DVD player, works for about 10 minutes, until they begin to fight about what movie is to be played and where the player should be, more distraction and problem solving.  Food and drink only give the truck a "trash dump" status and usually ends in some fight over who gets what.  Again, not an answer.  I average 500 miles a week, being that we live in the boonies, so I don’t think it is too much for me to minimize stress levels on these drives.  Hence "The Plan".
       I believe every vehicle should come standard with the limousine window where I can see in, but they cannot see out. In addition to this noise reducing device, I feel their should be a button to press for every time I feel the need, as I am looking through the rear view mirror, that plays a simple recording to them. One that whispers and eerie “I am watching you" over and over.  An added bonus would be the button right next to that one that would release a small dose of laughing gas (commonly known as nitrous oxide, which is approved by dentist most everywhere!), so as to ensure a "relaxed" atmosphere. A relaxed, happy ride... This is far less dangerous than the probable amount of accidents that children cause, but are never really admitted too, since all of our children are just "angels".  Sounds simple, but I guarantee peace and quiet in the front seat, and happy children in the back.  You will thank me later….