ahhh Christmas....

   As Christmas time steadily approaches, regardless of that Mayan calendar, I wanted to share a little wisdom on the effect this whole season has on most of us.  Whether you are funding a nation or a notion, everyone is pretty hectic and, dare I say, frantic about remembering all that has to be "done" for Christmas. All those joys of our life like; school functions, church functions, work functions, shopping, wrapping, cards, family pictures, vacations, decorations, "finding that Christmas spirit" (yes, unfortunately that is on the "to do" list for most of us nowadays), baking, cooking, list making, and to top it all off, remembering what in the world you did with last years Christmas gift from Granny. You know, that lovely bright colored reindeer sweater that you cant live without...  Ahhh the joys of the season.
      I don't think I have ever really mastered the art of gracefully flowing through the season with a smile on my face, nor do I think it is attainable this side of heaven, but I have come up with the following theory:  If the love of the people in my life depends on what I do (or don't do) at Christmas, then perhaps I have missed the meaning of Christmas.  My job is to love everyone like Jesus does. Unconditionally.  So perhaps, since it is His birthday, I am giving myself a little leeway on getting that "to do" list done.  I have 24 hours to complete at one time, and I will do what I can in that time.  It will be my goal this year to not be driven by guilt over what I should do, but rather joy over what I am able to do.   Easier said then done, I admit.
     Take for instance the past 48 hours.  I have no illusions that I wont have a "to do" list, matter of fact mine is about a mile long, I want to be able to give everyone a smile and to make it memorable for my babies! (And no, I have not done one lick of shopping: I pride myself in being that crazy lady on Christmas eve that does the mad dash dance through the isles of walmart, singing "grandma got ran over by a reindeer". Because that, my friends, is Christmas memories you cant buy.)   So, with half of my brain working on how this said "to do" list will get accomplished, the other half is left to tend to my poor sweet children. Evidence?  Well,  I have since sent one child to school with his shirt and pants on backwards, sent one with a questionable hairstyle that dates back to the mid 1800's (although I have mastered getting all the kids up and out the door in record time, I do not always check the process in which that is accomplished), I have feed the dogs horse feed (which I got a thank you card from the oldest of our mutts, with a request for a repeat dinner), found my phone in the fridge (and a bottle of wine in the freezer), ran over my sons bike (which I am still seeking counseling for), almost made it home before I realized I forgot to pick the kids up from daycare (don't worry, I would have remembered eventually), and now, coincidentally, I sleep with one eye open and face guard.   (refer to previous posts for details, for me the pain is still too real). 
     So how to maintain this "busy life syndrome" and still smile through the day?  Well, I suppose to each his own on surviving the expectations of the season, but I am gonna try and focus on the fact that I really love what Christmas represents and will not feel guilty that I can do that with a mimosa in hand. :)  We make it what we want it to be and for me, I love the lights, the music, the family time, the chance to show love to those I can and the joy that I get to go to heaven because of what this day represents.  So to all my friends and family, if I forget to get you something, or send you a card, or even give you a call; please be assured that you are always in my heart, and forgive this crazy brain of mine...  I wish a very Merry Christmas to all out there and from my love to yours may it be the best one yet…..

Big lessons through little voices

    So the other morning, as I lay peacefully sleeping in my bed, experiencing those few precious moments of quiet, I had a wake up call that I hope to never duplicate for as long as I live.  It's 5 am, and I have, unknown to me at the time, a small child that has crept ever so silently into mommies bed.  I am still ok at this point, being that he is actually following the set rules that say "don't wake the mom up until the weird buzzer sound box has been hit at least three times."  Good boy.
       But, also unknown to me, is the other small child who, and I should state at this point that he has an unusually large head (this is important to know), is up roaming the halls heading towards my bedroom while configuring a sneak 'attack and capture'.  About this time is where contact was made.  Without any warning, or trumpet sounding, a ten pound, seemingly lead reinforced head, comes plummeting down from the earths atmosphere directly onto my small impressionable nose.  Direct hit.  Bolting up from a dead sleep (while yelling something I have since asked forgiveness for) I open my eyes to find tears rolling down my cheeks.
     I hear a faint voice say in shock "Ohh, I sooo sowey Mommy", just about the time the buzzer goes off. Now a little more awake, I realize that blood is now streaming down from the once usable nose.  Through my sobs (and no, pain and I are not good buddies), I manage to get out an  "It's ok son, but could you go get me some tissues" blubber.  And my once villain now turned superhero, is off the save the day.  So, as i sit there in the dark, tears streaming, blood flowing and tissues flying, I hear the sweetest comment that edified the entire scene and got me thinking.  My little Noah, who is always sure of everything and wrong about nothing says "Oh", in a sweet note of realization, "You cry too Momma?". 
     What a strange question I thought to myself, how does my son not know I cry too.  At what point did SuperMom become un-human?  As a seemingly single mother of three (having a husband who is always off trucking all those products we so need to the rest of the nation), I am also working and caring for a small farm.   I probably have many times in my chaotic life where crying would be normal.  But here is my 4 year old, with a glint in his eye, smiling at me because he sees that I am crying, as if to say "welcome to life Ma, glad you could be like one of us".  Funny how a little bit of humanity goes a long way.  Apparently, parenting is not about always looking like you have it together, or even thinking that you do.  Seeing his relief that its ok if mommy cries too, makes me think its more about being real in life and accessible to give understanding through it.  I am sure that my "have it all figured out" attitude has actually pushed my kids away from me more than given them security.
     I have always striven to be honest with my kids about all things, on a level they can understand.  But in that moment, I understood that my honesty only takes me as far as my ego.  They don't need to think Mommy has it all figured out, that is not real life.  They need to know that when life is too much, its ok to be sad, or mad, or hurt.  Its what you do with all those feelings, that is our job to teach them.  If my daughter grows up thinking that she shouldn't cry when she gets hurt, than I have not been real enough with her.  Life is about all of our experiences and if I pretend the bad ones don't effect us, than I am leaving my children ill prepared on how to handle them.
     How a small act of accident turns mommy into an understanding, reachable teacher is beyond me.  I guess thats what they call finding big lessons through little voices.  All in all, the nose was a small sacrifice for the comfort it gave my know-it-all son.  He is the most like me and I giggle when I think how funny God is to use him to teach me this.  And there He goes again, reminding me that even though I have children off my own, I am still His kid too. 
     So in answer to your question little Noah, "Yes, baby boy, momma cries...."

So thats what its about....

       I have finally discovered what it means to be a parent... "Experiencing all emotional ranges within a 24 hour period".  This may only happen with toddlers, but I am day by day discovering that you can completely experience every emotion in caring for another human being... all the while not being able to act on many of them...
       Take, for instance, the other day.  As I was bringing the laundry out into the garage I noticed an aweful smell surrounding the entire atmosphere, which set the tone for the day. I now found myself in a battle to "find the origin" and rid the world of such stench.  What was discovered was an entire family of dead rats, in the wall... Good times in country living... Being that I don't want my babies around anything that spreads such nausiating disgust, it was now a project of excavation. (leaving all other chores of the day to fade away and left on the inevitable "to do list".   And as I was chipping away at the drywall, my lovely 3 year old was heroically ridding the house of any and all of that evil thing called organization.  Of course, he is also proving to the world that you can be disorganized all while being naked .  So being the "good" mom that I am, I promptly tell him to get dressed and stop rearranging furniture...  Frustration.(and maybe a little giggling).  I proceed in my mission and begin to pull everything out of the garage and sweep all remenents of said rat family from the premises.  Disgust... About 5 minutes later here pops up the child again.  This time wearing footy cars pajamas with the hood of a jacket around his head and the rest of it dangling like a cape behind him.  With a grin from ear to ear he proudly yells "Yeah Mommy, I did it! I get dressed.all by myselff and I dont even need shoes!"  Laughter....  And as if that wasn't enough to convince me of his superhero status, he then starts running through the yard with fists up proclaiming "I AM BATMAN!!"  To be sure, the neighbors have stopped questioning my parenting skills and have learned to just wave and smile towards the chaos of my yard.  At a safe distance...
       We leave to pick up the other boy and come back, all while regaling the 4 year old of how mommy killed all the bad, evil rats. (more laughing)  As they are eating lunch, I take this oppertunity to put everything back into the garage, and when I come in to check on them, I find that they are filling up cups of dirt from the front yard and pooring them into one big lovely pile on my livingroom floor.  Confusion sets in...  And with perfect timing, in walks the daughter.  Relief...  First chore for the poor child - sweep the living room.  (Slight feelings of guilt here, but able to move foreword with out too much regret) 
        Later, after all the children have been sufficiently covered in yard dirt, bath time is a necessity.  As I am cooking dinner (ok, burning), the boys decided to poor out all available bottles of soap, to give them ample amounts of bubbles (at least that's my best guess).  Since I had just bought said bottles of soap, irritation on a new level has arrived.  Mommy needs a 5 minute break.. Seeing the obvious "loose cannon status" of her mother, my wonderful daughter smiles sweetly and says "Its ok mom, you know if you didn't have the boys, my life would be so boring, they bring so much pizzazz to our life".  Appreciation... And Pride... In one comment she has changed my perception of the current scene.  Oh how I love my little girl... Of course that wonderful comment is followed by, "Mom, can I have $50?"  Kinda random, but not out of the ordinary here. 
       After a short food fight during dinner, and by that I mean actual fighting with food, and about 10 repeats of me yelling "eat your vegetables", they all get thier piece of candy and its time for bedtime rituals.  Vitamins givin, pajamas on (and not the cars footy pjs, which may have broken the young boys heart), and with a story read.  (And no, I did not read their first choice of Harry Potter's entire first book, but we did learn that George is still a very curious little monkey).  And right after prayers are said, my 4 year old with OCD, pops up and says "Oh no, we didnt brush teeth!".  Exaustion... So we all get back up and brush teeth.  Which always includes the battle of the step stool and trying understand why we cannot eat the toothpaste, but instead can only brush with it.   Jealsousy... ( I really want to go to bed too!)
       Now that they are in bed, I get all the animals fed, the house picked up, and a quick shower for me and off to bed I go.  But before I go, its time to check on the sleeping babies.  Kid 1,2, and 3 are all tucked nicely in bed, snoring and looking like sweet angels.  Cuddled all up, each one with their blankey, I gently go and kiss them all on their forehead, praying for a goodnight dream.  And as I leave the room, my "Dennis the menace" 4 year old sits up, looks up at me from a dead sleep and says "I love you so much mommy", and then plops his little head back down.  Totally and undeniably.... LOVE.........
        And at the end of the day, that's all we need to give us the strength to get back up tomorrow and do it all over again.... I love you too little man.....
      

Mommy thoughts

They drive you insane,
And test your every emotion
they take whats left of your brain
and you give them all your devotion...

They can make life one big crazy zoo
but then lift your heart up to the sky
when they whisper "I wuv you"
 or cry "Mama" when you wave good bye...

They confound at any given moment,
like making dirt piles in the living room
is off the utmost of importance.

They make you want to pull out your hair,
but will dance with you "like they just dont care"
They change every part of your path
but are the best at making you laugh

Sometimes we can get lost
in the "correct" way to care
on the should do's and have to have's
On the how to's or what it has cost

But the Truth of why we are here
is that its not about us
there is no better career
than what we already posess

A legacy, a future...
we are helping to mature.
Though at times, we want to run away
at the end of the day, we always stay

To watch our little hearts sleeping
so peacefully dreaming,
that when they awake
we remember that none of them are ever a mistake.

holloween

Holloween!  Well, another year has almost flown by... The leaves are changing, the breeze is colder and inevitably, all the kids have a cold!   I love this time of the year though.  The faces of children always seem to light up just a little brighter with rosy cheeks and the excitement of tradition.  Although I am still slightly hesitant of putting carving tools in the hands of what I affectionately call the "3-footers", they love the hot chocolate that we have while giving our pumpkins life.  And the fact that they have spent the last 2 weeks asking if its "How-o-ween" yet, means that today is a dream come true for them.
       My daughter is 8 years old and for the first time in her life, she has not wanted to be something that requires 90% of her costume to be pink.  In fact, she is proudly now the "dark bride", wearing all black.  It is a pretty dress with blinking lights all over it and I love how she dances in it.  Of course my boys are superheros and full of magical powers, although the only difference there from every other day, is that they have a costume to go with it.  There is so much imagination in it all and I love allowing them to be someone unattainable, even if it is for only one day.  It makes me sad when kids don't get that opportunity because of fear that its "wrong" to do so.  I am a Jesus loving, God believing Christian that just so happens to enjoy the world He gave me. I don't judge others for how they live, but I have no problem speaking the truth when I see it.  Which is in fact, just a big day for guilt-free eating of a whole lot a sugar, and playing the coolest dress-up you can think off.  Life and all its situations is what YOU make of it, not what you think others make of it.  I do not think I am offending God by this!  We had an absolute blast this evening, and I hope you all did too!   And for me, its the only day of the year that I can dress how I really want too without serious questioning of my sanity...

driving distracted

      After careful consideration, I have come to the conclusion that, while texting and driving may be a dangerous endeavor, driving with 3 kid is, well, completely comparable in the danger aspect.  Not only in what you might experience during road rage, but can also be just as much of a dangerous distraction. And, because I am pretty sure that I am years away from making it illegal to drive with children, I have decided on a new course of action that might make driving with kids have a safer outcome.  But let us first explore the range of car management actions fully, so you can better understand why I have decided on this new safety method.

       There is a magical phenomenon that occurs when I am driving, where my arm actually manages a go-go gadget reach with extra strength. My once 3 foot arm mysteriously metamorphosis into an impressive reach far beyond the thought of possibilities. This produces a look of surprise on the not so innocent faces of my beloved bunch, and a few minutes of quiet shock.  However, I do believe that it contributes to the distraction factor on a deeper level than just, let’s say, threatening to pull the car over.  Which that in itself  is completely contradictive to the goal of reaching your destination in the shortest amount of time, so as to minimize the amount of stress that is put on your vocal cords.  (And for the most part an empty threat, unless of course they return with their own threat of peeing on your recently cleaned truck because they didn't hear the 5 times you told them to go to the bathroom before you left. Which was only minutes ago.)
       Next we have the "blast the radio so I can no longer here the high-pitched whining" maneuver, but that usually ends with me breaking out into dance moves and singing, which again, is probably more of a distraction than a control method.  Not to mention it proves to my children that I am not the cool mom, but am in fact, The Dork... Another fact I would like to keep hidden for as long as possible.
       There is also the threat of telling them they better act right, or mommy will get pulled over for driving like a crazy woman.  That has never worked since my boys have a disturbing obsession with flashing blue lights that leaves me questioning when exactly they should start counseling.  And my daughter finds this threat incredibly hilarious because she takes great joy in telling the whole world all about how her mother got pulled over by a policeman.  Which the past has already proven.
       The newest invention, the DVD player, works for about 10 minutes, until they begin to fight about what movie is to be played and where the player should be, more distraction and problem solving.  Food and drink only give the truck a "trash dump" status and usually ends in some fight over who gets what.  Again, not an answer.  I average 500 miles a week, being that we live in the boonies, so I don’t think it is too much for me to minimize stress levels on these drives.  Hence "The Plan".
       I believe every vehicle should come standard with the limousine window where I can see in, but they cannot see out. In addition to this noise reducing device, I feel their should be a button to press for every time I feel the need, as I am looking through the rear view mirror, that plays a simple recording to them. One that whispers and eerie “I am watching you" over and over.  An added bonus would be the button right next to that one that would release a small dose of laughing gas (commonly known as nitrous oxide, which is approved by dentist most everywhere!), so as to ensure a "relaxed" atmosphere. A relaxed, happy ride... This is far less dangerous than the probable amount of accidents that children cause, but are never really admitted too, since all of our children are just "angels".  Sounds simple, but I guarantee peace and quiet in the front seat, and happy children in the back.  You will thank me later….

      

Truckers wife

I guess I'm just missing my hubby tonight...   this ones for you baby.....

The Prayer of a Trucker’s Wife

Dear Lord,
Tonight I pray like I always do
that you keep him safe and happy too
I know sometimes it’s hard for him
to feel closer to the road than to his own home

I miss him so, when the days are long
and miss him more, when the nights are too
Its strange to be mommy and daddy so much
but I guess you know about all that stuff

I thank you for giving me the strength to get up
that every morning I learn how to be tough
I pray that you keep him strong inside too
with the focus it takes in the drive he must do...

Keep us focused, on each other’s hearts
Even though, we stand worlds apart...
Oh what a few simple words can do...
Send him some love from me through You

I love him so much, dear Father, it’s true
all my heart only wants, is for him to be near
but I thank you so much for the job he adores
and how he provides for all of us here...

I am so proud of my Trucker, my lover,
my best friend and my life partner…
So please, if you would, keep all 18 wheels
between the lines of every long mile.

Guide him home whenever you can
(The kids prayed it too, just like they always do)
so we can see the world’s best man....
In Jesus' precious name... Amen

-Audrey LeFebvre